NOAA, FEMA, and the DOGE Days of Disaster
Welcome to the United States of Unpreparedness
By Robbie Rob Phillips ©2025
Have you ever tried to yell "Fire!" in a burning building, but the guy with the fire extinguisher just got laid off, the water was deregulated, and the sprinkler system's now a slot machine run by DOGEcoin? Welcome to Hurricane Season 2025, where the storms are Category 5, but the government's response is Category Clown Shoes.
Let's break it down, shall we?
The Forecast: Doom with a Chance of Denial
The National Weather Service (NWS), bless their overworked hearts, just dropped the bombshell: 60% chance of an above-normal Atlantic hurricane season. We're talking 13 to 19 named storms, up to 10 hurricanes, and a handful of those packing winds strong enough to turn your beach house into a Pinterest-worthy pile of driftwood.
And here comes NOAA with all the shiny bells and whistles: upgraded tracking systems, hurricane hunter aircraft with experimental radar, Spanish-language alerts, and cones of uncertainty that make your ex's emotional availability look predictable.
But guess what? The real cone of uncertainty is in Washington, D.C., where the Trump administration has turned disaster prep into a spectator sport. You get to watch. You don't get help.
Meet DOGE: The Department of Government Efficiency… aka Doom on Government Employees
Let's talk about the real storm: DOGE. Not the meme, the menace. The Department of Government Efficiency — Trump's Frankenstein agency — has hacked its way through NOAA like a drunk tourist through a tiki bar buffet.
Hundreds of forecasters and scientists were laid off. Leases for radar centers and weather forecasting facilities terminated. And FEMA? FEMA's been gutted like a fresh-caught mahi-mahi.
FEMA has lost a third of its staff, and billions in infrastructure and community risk-reduction projects have been canceled. Experts in disaster planning have been dismissed like spoiled shrimp. The BRIC program — that's Building Resilient Infrastructure and Communities, not the house band at Mar-a-Lago — got axed. Because why build resilient infrastructure when you can build golf courses and grievance rallies?
Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick — who looks like a hedge fund manager got lost on the way to a hurricane briefing — told reporters, "We have never been more prepared for hurricane season."
That's cute, Howard. Real cute. Because nothing screams "prepared," like firing the meteorologists, grounding the hurricane hunters, and cutting funding for the very systems that tell people whether to hunker down or haul ass.
NOAA Administrator Laura Grimm chimed in, too: "NOAA is critical for the delivery of early and accurate forecasts."You're damn right, Laura. Too bad your budget got slashed like prices at a going-out-of-business sale. You're throwing punches in a cage match while the Trump team sold the gloves on eBay.
Meanwhile, in the Keys…
Down in Monroe County, Florida — aka the Conch Republic, where the weather is hot, the houses are wooden, and the hurricanes don't RSVP — Emergency Management Director Shannon Weiner is doing God's work with duct tape and NOAA field updates. She has a new seawater desalination plant, a sparkling new operations center, and just enough hope to power a solar panel.
She says they've been told NOAA's local field office is safe. For now. But safe's a funny word when the folks flying into hurricanes for data are being told they might need to Uber next time.
Oh, and just a friendly reminder from Monroe County's playbook: "Hide from the wind. Run from the water." And, under Trump? Duck from the fallout.
FEMA: The Ghost of Disasters Past
Once upon a time, FEMA helped Americans bounce back from the worst. Now? It's more like that guy who used to be in your group project but stopped showing up and still got credit. We've lost experts in climate resilience, emergency logistics, and—let's not forget—basic human decency.
Disaster declarations are now a political football. Legal aid for low-income survivors? Cut. Funding for future flood mitigation? Gone. Evacuation shelters? BYOB – Bring Your Own Bunker.
Trump's Disaster Relief Legacy: Paper Towels, Sharpies, and a Whole Lot of "Nope"
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump does nothing but lie about the Biden-Harris administration's hurricane response record because he can't defend his own record of withholding disaster aid, diverting first responder resources, ignoring and refusing to prepare for extreme weather, botching relief efforts, and mocking victims like it's an open mic night in Hell.
FACT: Trump's shameless 2024 campaign photo op in Valdosta, GA, diverted dozens of first responders from early Hurricane Helene relief. He brought nothing but a MAGA hat, a thumbs-up, and a warm plate of absolutely zero help.
FACT: After Hurricane Maria, Trump blocked disaster aid to Puerto Rico, threw paper towels at survivors like he was launching T-shirts at a basketball game, then blamed the whole fiasco on "Big water. Ocean water."
FACT: Trump gutted the National Weather Service, leaving over 200 vacancies right before Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, and Maria. After Harvey caused $125 billion in damages, Trump joked that Texas "made a fortune." You know, because 100+ dead is apparently funny now.
FACT: Trump repeatedly withheld disaster aid from blue states like it was Monopoly money, and he was the banker with a grudge.
FACT: "Fact check: Six days of Trump lies about the Hurricane Helene response."
FACT: Multiple GOP governors praised the Biden-Harris Helene response. Trump called them "disloyal."
FACT: Trump once suggested nuking a hurricane. That's not satire. That's a direct quote.
FACT: Trump's Project 2025 calls for privatizing the National Weather Service and destroying NOAA, so life-saving hurricane warnings will now come with a monthly subscription fee.
FACT: Trump famously redrew the path of Hurricane Dorian with a Sharpie to include Alabama, then doubled down when scientists politely said, "That's not how science works."
FACT: Trump revoked Obama-era flood standards in 2017, and during his presidency, the U.S. experienced five billion-dollar flooding disasters, killing 37 and racking up nearly $29 billion in damage.
Fast forward to late 2024. Western North Carolina gets walloped by Hurricane Helene. Trump, in full campaign mode, falsely accuses the Biden administration of bungling the response. Republican media allies start pushing conspiracy theories like FEMA handing out iPads to undocumented immigrants instead of helping flood victims. Trump promises that his administration will do better.
So, how's that going?
Spoiler alert: It's not.
Four months into his new presidency, North Carolina Governor Josh Stein — a Democrat and unfortunate believer in the outdated idea that presidents should help disaster victims regardless of political affiliation — is stuck begging Trump for help like a kid asking their deadbeat dad for lunch money.
On Friday, Stein went public with a video revealing that the Trump administration had denied FEMA's promise to cover 100% of debris removal costs, a standard policy under the previous administration for major hurricanes like Maria, Katrina, and Ike.
"It's going to cost a lot, up to $2 billion to fully clean the roads and waterways," Stein said. "I asked the federal government to cover those costs like they did under Biden. FEMA said no. I appealed. FEMA still said no. So now, North Carolina taxpayers are footing the bill. That means less money for housing, rebuilding, and everything else."
You know it's bad when FEMA says, "Sorry, you're on your own," and then ghostwrites a sympathy card signed by Trump and sent via FedEx Ground.
The damage in North Carolina alone have exceeded $60 billion. The state's entire annual budget is $35 billion. But Trump, who once tried to eliminate FEMA altogether and suggested "breaking it up into smaller, privately owned emergency franchises," keeps insisting his administration is doing "a beautiful job."
Meanwhile, Missouri's own Josh Hawley, a man best known for his January 6th fist-pump cosplay, is also begging for help after a string of devastating tornadoes. He's literally asking Kristi Noem — now Homeland Security Secretary, proud anti-FEMA crusader, dog killer, and full-time MAGA cosplayer — to whisper in Trump's ear like he's trying to get into a sold-out steakhouse.
Noem told Hawley that the administration "still plans to dismantle FEMA" but that "there is no formalized, final plan." Translation: "We haven't written it down yet, but trust us — it's gonna be worse."
Over in Arkansas, Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders found herself in the same boat — filing emergency requests, getting stonewalled, and waiting nearly two months for approval. At this rate, FEMA's new motto might as well be: "Ask not what your government can do for you. Ask when we'll finally return your calls."
Mississippi finally got its federal disaster aid on Friday — nearly two months after requesting it. Gov. Tate Reeves called the approval "a big help," but residents in Walthall County were less impressed, having already run out of money for debris removal weeks earlier. According to locals, the only thing that arrived on time was the storm itself.
FEMA didn't say what prompted the sudden wave of approvals — maybe it was bad press, maybe someone finally found Trump's golf calendar. Either way, don't expect consistency.
"That is one of the failures FEMA has had in the past," Noem said, seemingly unaware that she and Trump are currently in charge of FEMA, "people lose everything and sit for months or years waiting for help." Yes, Kristi. That's exactly what's happening. Because of you.
The Trump team insists that moving more disaster responsibility onto the states is part of a "bold new vision." Everyone else sees it as a return to 1803, minus the powdered wigs. But don't worry — Trump says it's all going to be "tremendous."
Families displaced. Homes destroyed. Lives upended. And for what? A federal government that can't even approve cleanup funding in under 60 days.
At this point, the only thing moving slower than Trump's disaster aid approvals is the FEMA fax machine from 1989 that they're apparently still using.
The Real National Emergency? The Guy in Charge.
Let's call it what it is: The Trump administration is America's first man-made Category 5 disaster. NOAA says prepare. FEMA used to help. But now? Your best bet is duct tape, a kayak, and a prayer to Jimmy Buffett's ghost.
Do you want to talk about national defense? How about defending the coastline from a storm surge the size of a double-decker bus instead of building fantasy border walls or prosecuting librarians for stocking Toni Morrison?
Trump didn't just dismantle the safety net. He lit it on fire, blamed the wind, and sold marshmallows to the crowd.
Conclusion: We Deserve a Weather System, Not a Circus
We've got the tech. We've got the scientists. What we don't have is leadership. You can't drown-proof a country with slogans and hat sales. You need infrastructure, data, funding, and a federal government that treats disasters like emergencies, not campaign backdrops.
Hurricane season doesn't care about your politics. It doesn't care about your tax bracket, your Facebook feed, or your crypto portfolio. It cares about water temperature, wind shear, and whether the people in charge care enough to act before the sirens go off.
But hey, at least we've got ROARS on the hurricane planes. Because if you're going to crash and burn, you might as well scan the ocean while you're at it.
Batten down the hatches, folks. The storm is coming. And thanks to Trump, FEMA's already underwater.
